When it comes to sex in a relationship, whether it is a casual or short term or a long term relation, it is generally the woman who takes control. This comes as to no surprise since men typically have sexual urges more often and need women to fulfil such urges. It is not so similar the other way around.
When it comes to casual sex, be it in casual relationships, men can enjoy it with almost any woman as long as he is attracted to her. Men respond more eagerly to invitations for casual sex, be it personally proposed or posted on online sex personals websites. For women though, it is a little bit more complicated. Women can find good legit sites by reading their reviews. And, these sex dating site reviews can help them find genuine sex personals.
Think men are the only ones who want to have casual sex outside a relationship?
The basic stereotype in society includes the different views regarding the sexuality and sexual behaviour between men and women. There are certain behaviours that are considered “the norm”. Those actions deemed not to fit in the so-called norm are either considered abnormal, perverted or perhaps mentally dysfunctional. That is why oftentimes a woman who enjoys casual sex is thought of as “having sex like a man” or that she is a “nymphomaniac”. This stigma associated with engaging in casual sex for women partly explains their reluctance to accept offers for casual sex. Women who don’t act like the typical “nice girls” who only have sex in the context of committed relationships get pegged as having sex “like a man”. Women in general are perceived more negatively than men for accepting offers for casual sex.
But if you take away this stereotypical view and stigma, it turns out that women actually have and enjoy casual sex too. This fact has been supported by two separate studies conducted by two different women: Jocelyn Wentland, a Masters Student in the Department of Family Relations and Human Development at Guelph University, and Terri Conley, a Social Psychology student at the University of Michigan.
These are the results of the first study:
To the observation of Wentland, it is quite unfortunate that most research on women and sex seems to focus on the “sexual dysfunction” category. There is little research and information on women who actually like sex. So she did her own study.
Her study came up with surprising results regarding casual sex and women. There is a constant belief that any kind of casual relationship that women have must involve a one-night stand only. But based on the study, of the women who were casually dating and did not identify their last sex partner as a committed partner, about 32 per cent have a regular casual sex partner, around 42 per cent have a “sex buddy” or “friend with benefits”, 9 per cent have a “booty call”, and 17 per cent have had a “one-night stand”. It is obvious that women already engage in a variety of casual relationships, often with a regular partner. Perhaps women are finally admitting that they do what has only been acceptable for men to do in the past.
The study also debunked the myth that considers women who have a lot of sex partners as automatically presumed to having “low social skills” and “low self-esteem”; that these women need a lot of men to validate their “woman-ness”, femininity or sexuality. Rather, the women who were very confident and sure of themselves and who have high social skills are the ones capable of engaging in sex outside a relationship and be perfectly okay with it. This is because they are able to separate the emotions from the sexual act itself.
While the results show a strong picture of sexually confident women who know what they want and are comfortable with their sexuality, the findings may not necessarily reflect that of an average woman. But that is the point. These confident women are daring enough to challenge the stereotypical view of the female gender.
These are the results of the second study:
According to the results of the study conducted by Conley, if the stigma is removed from accepting casual sex offers and the experience involves a “great lover”, then women like casual sex as much as men. The gender differences between male and female diminish and evaporate when these two factors are added to the equation.
In situations involving strangers, women were less likely to accept hypothetical casual sex offers from opposite-sex strangers than men were. When recalling a real-life casual sex experience with a close friend, both men and women who participated in the study said that they accepted the offers if they thought the person had high sexual capabilities. When further considering sexual offers from attractive persons or unattractive famous individuals, the gender differences vanish: both men and women prefer the more attractive individual.
When comparing both genders, women accepted lesser casual sex offers from men than vice versa because the men who proposed the experience were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities. This finding supports the “pleasure theory” rather than the more well-known and accepted “evolutionary theory”.
The evolutionary theory says that it’s the driving impulse of men to spread their seed as widely as possible while women need to choose men who are likely to stick around and provide support during the child-rearing years. Men can just select any woman who they deem attractive while women choose those men whose supporting capabilities are greater, regardless of attractiveness.
The pleasure theory, on the other hand, says that both men and women choose their sexual partners based on the perceived pleasure benefit they could derive. Accordingly, if there is enough pleasure for both genders, there will be enough sexual intercourse to propagate the species. The results of Conley’s study give more light to this theory than the other.
These are the generalizations from both studies:
We can surmise the following:
1.) Both men and women think about sex, but men tend to think more about it (plus other physical needs such as food and sleep).
2.) Women get more casual sex offers from men than the other way around.
3.) Men tend to accept more offers freely while women are choosier.
4.) When it comes to attractiveness, men and women do not have gender-specific preferences for the qualities of their partners.
Even in the online scenario, men post more sex personals in casual dating websites and women reply to only a few. Perhaps women have the advantage of being choosier because they get more offers after all.
The bottom line is, women still have the upper hand when it comes to decisions on having casual sex even in relationships. Men just tend to jump on the boat. Women tend to be picky. With statistical data saying that women reach climax or orgasm only about 35 percent as often as men do in casual sex encounters, it’s no wonder they are choosy. Women’s estimations of the ability or willingness of the male partner to provide them with sexual pleasure seem to be fairly accurate.
So as a man, if you want to score more with women in casual sex encounters or casual sex relationships, it is therefore wise for you to be perceptively attractive (for starters). Be neat and well-dressed as needed. Include your best photo when posting sex personals online (one that accentuates your most attractive aspect). And when you do have casual sex encounters, make sure that you provide pleasure to your woman and not only derive it from her. There is a chance that when you are adept at doing this, it will show even with your looks.